Maybe She's Mental

It is what it is.  As a person who believes in my personal ability to provoke positive change, I have to throw my hands up in the air on this one.... write it up to a missed trapeze grab or some planet aligning and then deciding to go back... I have no idea and I don't need to know, but what I do know is that this is nothing I can control. In the end, a person is responsible for their own well-being.  Life is teaching me this in many different lessons.  I smile with gratitude for having learned this lesson and not being attached to some results that I want for a friend.  It's not my vision that is created.  It is theirs and their vision is just lovely. There... I wash my hands!  My time is up.  May you be blessed Darling Soul! EE

Last night I read the Wee One a book about a tractor, a little calf and a bull surviving a tornado by the kindness and action of one big-hearted tractor (Otis). :)  That tornado was black and gray and the pictures showed vast destruction after it passed through.  The image of the animals and the tractor gathered together with eyes closed in a low muddy river bed to wait out the storm was beautiful.  Each individual was as close as possible to the group to be safe from the winds above.  The giant bull was next to the small geese and sheep and all looked peaceful wedged between two brown sections of earth. No relation to post, but I LOVED this couple at the Fair. :) Today I had my own tornado of sorts.  My tornado was more of a friendly swirl of bright colors.  This swirl was more about opportunities rather than destruction.  You see there are many things that I want to do in life.  I can't believe all the things that catch my eye and I want t...

“We have been called to heal wounds, to unite what has fallen apart, and to bring home those who have lost their way.”  ―  Francis of Assisi St. Francis came up for me two times today.  My dentist was talking about her son and husband taking a pilgrimage to Assisi and then I saw an interview about a pilgrimage experience of a well loved spiritual woman to Assisi to follow in the footsteps of St. Francis.  I remembered the story about St. Francis and the wolf and how he loved animals and nature.  He's usually pictured or scuplted with some kind of animal - a bird, a wolf or a sheep. We have been called to heal wounds says he.  He also says  “No one is to be called an enemy, all are your benefactors, and no one does you harm. You have no enemy except yourselves.” . ..  interesting,  Today I'm feeling a shift in a relationship.  I was brought into a person's life to provide some healing for a time, but I believe that time is c...

The term Anam Cara is a Gaelic/Celtic term meaning soul friend.   We bump into them in various stages of our lives.  They may be siblings (or former siblings :)).  They may be friends.  They may be lovers.  They may be our own children. Sometimes they stick around in your life.  Sometimes their time is limited, but not without impact. I recently ran into an anam cara.  Each one discovered is so unique.  Each connection precious.  It's a feeling of comfort and familiarity.  There's a deep desire to be close to this person.  It doesn't matter his background or his history.  Our hearts are bound. Anam cara.... what a blessing!  Thank you for recognizing me!

Since your mother is no longer with you on this earth and you have no older sisters, I feel as if I might be the one that can impart to you some wisdom on motherhood before your little one arrives.  I say these words in complete love and reverence of the role of motherhood.  I share my experience with you because I feel like mothers need to be truthful with each other. Before I begin, I share with you a blessing...because we're Irish and Irish folk recite blessings and toasts, but today we're not drinking... we're serious. :)  This blessing is my own.   "May the wisdom, strength and courage of all the mothers that have come before you be instilled in you today and every day as you walk in the footsteps of the mother you are to be.  Know that your love is felt by all children and your hopes, dreams, and tears for your child will help to form their being.  Never is there a more significant role than mother.  You are ready for the joys.  May...

A child's response to the expanse of Lake Superior I was reflecting lately about two relatively recent experiences with praying for others... or having intentions for the benefit of others.... one during a visit from some angels and another during a Native American fire and water cleansing ceremony. The angel visit was a 'Pay it Forward' kind of mission that I was asked to do by a friend who was hosting the angels (3 angels of the higher realms) before me.  She asked if I would like to host them as well.... OF COURSE I DO!  I had to let the angels in at 10:30 pm on a certain night (I really could feel them when they entered - like invisible butterflies had entered and were creating waves).  I had to prepare a place for them with a white candle and keep it lit as much as possible.  I was to write 3 requests on a piece of paper and put it near the candle.  They would stay for 5 days and I would make sure the candle was lit and that I tried to spend time near...

Balance on one foot... I don't know if I ever really thought about it much until I started practicing yoga.  This has been a journey.  When you first are shown a pose where you are to stand on one leg and do other horizontal things with your body, you wonder how in the world you will ever get to the point of being able to stay there suspended.  But you just keep trying... and slowly over time, you learn how to adjust weight and position your body in alignment to be able to hold the pose and breathe without really thinking about the fact that you're now on one foot and sideways.  What an amazing transformation! And then you are taught patience again when you injure an ankle and try to do this same pose on an ankle that's not at full strength - still swollen from a nasty turn.  If you remember all the little details about the pose that got you into the pose properly on your strong ankle, the pose becomes accessible to you again... you spread out the energy and...

 Alice in Wonderland ride at Disneyland... crazy story?  maybe I don't want easy, I want crazy!  I think this has just become the motto of me!  I can't decide if I am upset or proud that my sanity is in question.  Crazy, like all labels, is relative. Crazy for Lady Gaga is certainly different than crazy for Martha Stewart.... Can you imagine Martha in a meat suit? She'd be more interested in seasoning it and searing it... ha! Crazy love:  YES!  Crazy stinky:  No thanks.  Crazy brilliant - YES please!  Crazy tension... well you get my drift... Mentally ill... another difficult one to put in a box.  The Special Olympic athletes that I have experienced are the happiest people around! I'm pretty sure we all have our own definitions of crazy and our own levels of craziness.  Only when you really don't care what others think of you do you reach your 'authentic crazy'. :)  This version I accept with joy!

This is a promise.  You will get off-track.  You will get pulled into the drama.  You will get caught up in your daily existence.... until.... something major pulls you back.  Something major rocks your core.  Maybe you don't ask why. Maybe you have no desire to know the reasons.  Who knows why major rocks shift?  We could never understand the significance. But I do know this:  Major things bring people closer.  Major things bring cleansing tears.  Major things bring out the compassion in friends, family and acquaintances.  Major things bring us back to our foundations.... that of love, support, and friendship.  Major things challenge us to trust..... trust in something we can't comprehend. When you're numb and in the midst of something major, remember to breathe.  "This too shall pass."

My daughter(5) brought home a few drawings this winter of a snowstorm.  She used every colored marker and crayon that she could find and swirled them round and round in a tornado-like fashion.  My day, body, mind, essence, direction, heart feels like this right now.  Here's my version of her drawing done in the ever professional "Paint" program. :) Yes I know, I didn't stay on the paper.. my lines got kind of crazy.  I was trying to make it as close to the original as possible.  :)  You see, I ran into a mindfulness teacher yesterday and he sent me a link to a talk given at a very successful business which taught mindfulness as a road to happiness.  This talk highlighted mindfulness, self-knowledge, and daily habits as the road to personal happiness and ultimately to world peace.  Chills! So the picture of the snowstorm above... is me... trying to figure out what to do with this information... what is my contribution to world peace?  I re...

Intuition Strikes!  I love it! I stopped by my favorite shop for locally made goods including my fav lotion stick.  A friend had requested one after seeing mine so I thought I would stop in and get one.  After I picked one up and placed it on the counter while my friend who works there was telling me about the variety called 'Gin and Tonic' :), I felt the need to get another of my favorite kind (Good Karma Blend).  I got two, paid in cash, and left. I wasn't sure who that second one was for, but when the time was right, I would know! About an hour later, I was waiting for a colleague outside her office and talking to a volunteer who was changing the bulletin board in the office when the recipient became clear....  This volunteer was named Bev (she said her name means Eager Beaver... hahaha).  She was telling me how when you get old, your fingers get really dry in the winter and they can crack and bleed.  She had a big band aid on her right thumb ...

I finally purchased and installed a wifi router in my little old house in my little small town in middle America... It was at the persistent urging of my 10 year old daughter who really wanted access to all the possible downloads on iTunes that really did it for me.... well no, maybe when guests came to spend the night and realized to their complete dismay that 'What?  You don't have WiFi?' :)  Hahahaha! I think I was proud that I didn't need to have it at home, but that's because my phone had a data plan and my computer plugged directly into my router so I had constant access, just not through wifi.  The other reason I was hesitant was because I didn't want to be bathed in excess waves all through the day at work and then at night as well! Tis time, I said... tis time for wifi.  My friends who shook their heads at me will be smiling today... :) Tschuss!

I'm 4 days away from visiting my dear friend in Montreal.  I have not known her for a full year yet, but I feel like part of her family... the long lost sister variety.  I'll be walking into a foreign land... literally... Canada... but not the English-speaking variety... the French side.  Her children speak French.  The signs in the airport will likely be in French.  She lives as a self-employed artist - fashion designer.  She lives in an apartment building in the big French city.  How will I communicate with her darlings... through hugs?  Through smiles?  Maybe we will teach each other our language... and little by little we will speak through words.  In some ways I feel like I will be walking into home.... the home of my sister.... I'm pumped to meet her brother and her friends, see where she dances her cares away on Friday nights, and see where she spends her days..... AND I'm excited to celebrate HER on her BIRTHDAY!  To prope...

I got a real-live mix CD from a friend in the mail recently... like right around Valentine's Day... AWESOME!  Only problem is that the kids slip it in and out of the karaoke (where did that name come from anyway?) machine and now it skips... just had to shut it down.  OH well... maybe my car stereo can take a worn CD. :)  I will try that out tomorrow! Such a beautiful coating Ah, but on to my real reason for this post (the last of Feb 2014)... excuses.  I just want to note that I'm not looking for anyone to be perfect.  Heck NO!  I don't expect that of myself nor would I expect that of anyone.  When I give a suggestion on how to approach something, it is merely (one of my favorite words) because I hope to provide the recipient with some kind of advantage the next time they encounter this situation.  I do not feel like I need to hear a reason behind why they acted or didn't act as they did... I just want to provide words while they are availa...

A foreign man at the library gave me a wonderful lesson on scars today.  It went like this:   I thought I would get my daughter some books because she needed to get some reading minutes in for 'I love to read' month at school.  I had a meeting coming up so I quickly walked over to the library to pick out some random books for her.  Alas, I got the open time wrong again and was there 10 minutes before it opened. I didn't know this until this summer when I kept seeing my homeless friend at the library that there are a lot of 'special' people that visit the library regularly.  Today when I was there early, a special person interacted with me to show me something about the people that I meet in my life. I was jamming on my headphones and trying to upload a video to youtube for a flashmob dance we're doing for Valentine's Day when this man set a very beautiful solid gold arm band in front of me on the window ledge.  I looked at it and then him.  I...

My yoga instructors say 'The transitions are as important as the poses.'  Focus is required for every moment into a pose as well as during and then out of it.  If you don't get your leg wrapped high enough in eagle, you might not be able to wrap your toes around your calf.  If your base is too wide for warrior, your core will not be able to properly stabilize you.  I bring up transitions today because I am sitting here waiting for a very kind worker to pick up my boxes of work stuff and move it to my new location, my new department, my new work family.  I have enjoyed my 7 years in my current role, but I know change is constant and so I flow with it... with grace.... :) And so, I move on.  I enjoyed all the boisterous laughs (and sneezes) from down the hall, the daily trivia questions on the white board which I always pondered, but never answered, the bonding of the ladies with a common thread in the back room, the warm light of the maroon shaded lamps,...

Root Down -suggestion for ICU Patient I completed my first day of yoga teacher training. I decided I will reflect here rather than in my journal in which we're supposed to note whatever we feel like noting about our practice for the session.  I have my class on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and we will do one practice at each session.  Today my notes on the session were brief... 'bad mat, next time use a yoga mat rather than the pilates mat'.  I don't think it has to be deep does it?  I mean it's just the first day.... :) First impressions of the students:  They are very much novices.... either in yoga, teaching, or self.  Not a problem really... just an observation.  BUT I see a thread of honesty in them all.  This is a great rock on which to build! Today I happened to have a very powerful experience with a Reiki patient in the cardiac ICU (Intensive Care Unit).  In it, I realized how far I am coming in my ability to communicate and ...

There are a lot of people in this world.  Full Stop. Why must I walk through the halls of my workplace and see:  a woman with an elbow that bends the opposite way mine does, a man whose left cheek is swollen and drooping like jowls on a dog, a little girl who looks to be about 9 months old, but who is actually old enough to talk, but won't because she's shy (BUT OH SO CUTE that I can't NOT stop and tell her she's darling), an elderly man walking with his wife with an oozing head wound, another elderly man sleeping in his wheelchair being pushed by his daughter in the busiest part of the clinic with live music surrounding, a man walking with a metal eye patch with tiny holes, the girl from hip hop who has NO rhythm what-so-ever singing opera to the piano in the grand lobby..... Why am I where I am? I can't handle looking at people in pain or disfigured.  What is my purpose in this environment?  Why do I KNOW that the woman singing has no body rhythmn?  He...

Oh what a pair... wine and chocolate!  Yes, I'm emotional eating/drinking tonight.  I accept this and embrace it!  DAMN those little chocolate chunks taste good with a nice red wine... and then I realized that they also taste great with peanut butter as I was making myself a snack for later... hahaha! Mother and Child in Bronze Ah, but let's not lose the focus.... why oh why did I need to get out the ever comforting pair?  Motherhood, teaching respect, earning respect, teaching and learning self-control, enduring hours of being asked the exact same question and demanding a different response (because it was not the favorable answer the first time), last minute URGENT requests to get a birthday present for a friend, stubborn personalities butting heads, no one eating the meals I prepare.... hmmmm I think that covers it... I sent a few recorded voice messages to a friend tonight and I sounded stoned.  HA!  I was trying to return to my sunshiny state u...

Inside a sunflower... I was looking for a pair of black socks today.  I'm wearing pants because it's quite chilly outside.  I had been wearing dresses for months straight, but on days like this, I really wanted some thick fabric on my legs for when I get into the car at the end of the day and my poor 'Eileen' (that's the name of my car) is freezing.  I looked under my clothes drying rack in my bedroom and saw two black things that looked like my dress socks.  Many times there are various versions of children's socks that have no match there and I figured the two black ones that were there were also two singleton socks.  Yet... they looked so similar.... Inside this tunnel... SO beautiful! So I examined them with my hands this time... and felt the inside of the one because it seemed the outside of the other one was striped fabric..... upon further investigation, I realized that they were indeed a pair and that one of them was just turned inside out! ...